Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
