are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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