I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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