the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
