Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Randomize
