Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
