wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
