and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
