My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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