On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
