i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
