I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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