My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
