Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
