she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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