Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
