Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
