If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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