Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
