2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
