it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
