totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
