And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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