ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
