he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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