I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
