and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
