How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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