Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
