Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
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