Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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