I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I want to fling myself into the sun
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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