Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
