If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
