Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
