Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Best friends brother. Beat that.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
