I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
