Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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