She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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