That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
