I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
