i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
