i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
the liver wants what the liver wants
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
