Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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