You made me cry and you don't even care
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
