fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
