it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I want to fling myself into the sun
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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