how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
