He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
