No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
