No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
