i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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