Pappa wants mamma naked
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
