Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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