a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
