well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
