I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
