You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
