highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He passed out mid-signature
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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