Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize