I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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