and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
