Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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