I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
