She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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