he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
