Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
