She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
