Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We're too hungover to prance.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
