Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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