He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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