Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
