I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize